He said he didn’t mean to. He said it was a mistake and that it would never happen again.
She wiped the mascara-filled tears from her cheek and iced her eye. She had never felt so much pain in her life.
Pain from every form of abuse imaginable: physical, emotional, and detrimental.
They had been dating for so long, with so much love for one another, and something had changed.
It happened again. And then again. He apologized time after time, but the abuse never seemed to end.
She was too scared to leave. Scared to face the world alone. Even more afraid he’d find her if she tried. That he’d find her…and kill her.
Although no specific name is behind the story above, the faces of women across the country can represent the story, pain and fear described.
Dating violence is a growing problem in relationships today and especially in the high school to college age group.Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence –nearly 20 per 1,000 women, according to the Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence.
Furthermore, a survey of 500 women from the same study determined that 60 percent were involved in an ongoing abusive relationship, and all had experienced violence in a dating relationship.
Astoundingly, one in five college women can expect to be involved in some shape of dating violence while studying to get their degree. It’s not acceptable and it’s certainly not something to be hushed or hid behind closed doors. It’s a problem and an area that should be improved.
To end this violence, women must realize what constitutes dating violence and how women can take back the right a man’s trying to take from her.
Dating violence can range from less serious physical abuse to prolonged emotional and detrimental cruelty.
If a man does the following he committing dating violence against you:
- Hits, pinches, slaps, punches or harms you with his hands in any manner
- Consistently puts down your thoughts, goals, choices in life and makes you feel like you are worthless
- Forces you to have sexual intercourse with him, or any other type of sexual act that you don’t consent to.
- Tells you how to live your life and controls every decision you make
In relationships, both partners have the right to be happy, successful and independent. A person should never complete you, and make you feel like you must have them to fulfill your purpose in life.
To make sure you are part of a thriving relationship that is balanced, fair and not violent, follow this “Dating Bill of Rights”, provided by the Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources, Inc.
I have a right to:
- Ask for a date
- Refuse a date
- Suggest activities
- Refuse activities, even if my date is excited about them
- Have my own feelings and be able to express them
- Say, “I think my friend is wrong and his actions are inappropriate.”
- Tell someone not to interrupt me
- Have my limits and values respected
- Refuse affection
- Be heard
- Refuse to lend money
- Refuse sex at any time, for any reason
- Have friends and space aside from my partner
I have the responsibility to:
- Determine my limits and values
- Respect the limits of others
- Communicate clearly and honestly
- Not violate the limits of others
- Ask for help when I need it
- Be considerate
- Check my actions and decisions to determine whether they are good or bad for me
- Set high goals for myself
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