In lines and with bookmarks. Through restaurant reservations and seating arrangements. By spreading personal objects across a row and by placing your hand across a chair.
There are many ways to hold a place.
Sometimes even in a metaphorical manner. Women set aside a part of their heart, a portion of the definition of whom they are…in waiting in for a perfect person to fill it.
Recently, I was with one of my closest friends and her boyfriend at a movie theater. My friend was concerned that I would feel like the third wheel, but being brave and single all in the same sentence –I took the risk and tagged along with a couple.
Without hesitation, I placed my coat and my purse in the seat next to me when I sat down to watch the movie. At some point in the overly feminine (and incredibly entertaining) chick flick, I glanced over at my coat and purse and thought of something I never considered.
I’m single. I’m confident and able. I blaze my own trails and walk, or strut down them on my own. I buy myself flowers and I enjoy my personal time.
I’m not saving a seat for someone in the theater seat next to me. I don’t place my red peacoat and Coach handbag in the place next to me, hoping that some wonderful man will come and sit next to me.
I’m not a lady in waiting…but a girl going places. And for my age –and for every woman of any age –it’s perfectly fine, and completely acceptable to have a seat open or a fraction of her heart…that’s just for her.
There are plenty of guys that will fill a void in a woman’s life with affection, gifts and attention, but it’s not what a woman necessarily needs.
Everyone, men and women alike, deserve to be loved for who they are and not for what’s expected of them. Women are often stereotyped as being the damsel in distress, or the beautiful maiden waiting for a handsome gentleman to come and rescue her.
But maybe that’s not applicable to the modern woman’s lifestyle. Or the man’s, for that matter.
The Curtis Singers have a song titled “To Be Loved” that encourages men and women to strive for love –and not just partnership, or the comfort of a relationship based on ancient labels.
They begin with males and describe how they are commonly portrayed, or socialized to be: “Mind your manners, watch your weight, be a good boy, just behave. What’s wrong with you? Settle down. Keep your two feet on the ground. Stand up straight, sit up tall, never falter, never fall. Stay in school, make the grade, never fail and never fade. Be a hero, be a star, anything but who you are. Find a girl to possess, always pay, pursue, protect, be a master, be a slave, work your ass into an early grave.”
For the woman they illustrate a somewhat 1950’s viewpoint, “Daddy’s favorite little girl, dress up in your momma’s pearls. Serve us breakfast in her bed, earn a little kiss on the forehead. You are sugar, you are spice, you are growing up so nice. Paint your nails, paint your face, paint around the empty space. Find a man who can provide, try and fill the hold inside –with a family and a home, tell yourself you’re not alone. Keep your memories of yourself, in a shoebox on a closet shelf.”
But, as The Curtis Singers say, you deserve to be loved.
And you do.
It’s more important to strive for love, to believe in the power it has –regardless if it’s through romance, friendships or family kinships –love is greater than companionship.
So why hold a spot? Why save your other half simply for just another half? Wouldn’t you rather be a whole person, and pair with another whole person?
In waiting and wishing and hoping and praying –you are taking away from the relationship destined between yourself…and yourself. Set aside time for a one-on-one or dinner for one reservation at your favorite diner, and enjoy the company of yourself.
Define who you are and embrace it. Life isn’t essentially about finding yourself, but it’s about defining who you are. Creating the person you want to be by investigating your likes, your dislikes, your fears and your passions. Beat to the beat of your own drums…or maybe to the music of Jimmy Choo shoes tapping through the streets.
While my friend has another person to sit with her in a movie theater, and I’m happy for her contentment with him –the seat next to me is flawlessly fulfilled with my jacket and my purse.
And if anyone asks if the seat is taken, the answer is yes…for now.
http://chickspeak.com/blog/2008/02/14/on-valentines-day-this-seat-is-happily-taken/
No comments:
Post a Comment