Rules to Date By

Relationships don’t take place in a court of law, despite how much easier it would make them sometimes.

There are no written rules or set of laws to abide by. There isn’t a lawyer fighting in your defense if you absolutely know you are correct during an argument. And as unfortunate as it is, we can’t sue the men we date because they decide they don’t love us, cheated on us or just turned out to be nothing like what we thought.

While we can’t encourage a settlement, or sign a document with our hand on the Bible promising we’ll tell the whole truth and nothing but it- there are a few rules we should set for ourselves. These rules will keep our relationships healthy and prospering, while maintaining a necessary sense of confidence, self-assurance, and keep us brilliant and bold- single or taken.

1.) Thou shall never wear something simply because “he” likes it

Sure, we’ve been told to wear our hair and choose underwear based on how our male counterparts will react. And maybe some of us (especially if you’re from the South like me) have even been instructed to say “I don’t care” as the answer to any question that comes from a man’s lips. I mean, one should be docile, easy to get along with, and sweet, right?

Wrong. Be you. Wear your hair how you like it. Paint your nails the color that makes you feel the sexiest. If you like thongs and he likes boy shorts, tell him to get over it. You are a powerful and vivacious woman, and you should wear your favorite dress- even if it may fit a bit too tight or be from last season.

When you sport outfits and looks that make you feel the best about yourself- you will radiate an aura of poise and beauty that’s unmeasured and impossible to ignore. The right kind of guys who care about who you are from the inside out, will value and be incredibly attracted to a woman that knows who she is, and isn’t afraid to show it.

2.) Thou shall never stop believing in fairytales.

While I can’t promise you a man in spandex with a sword and black stallion will ride up to your apartment’s doorstep, speak with an English accent, singing a Disney song and sweep you off your feet- I can guarantee if you believe in your version of Prince Charming, he will surely appear in your life.

I once had a boyfriend that told me I was unrealistic about relationships. He said I believe in a type of love that doesn’t exist and I should settle for what I have and stop wishing for something that’s completely out of reach. I promptly told him I would never stop having faith in a love that tops the charts, and he obviously wasn’t the one to make my dreams come true.

The moment you settle for less than what you truly deserve, is the very moment you will receive it. You have to believe in a love you can’t feel, a miracle you can’t foresee, and a promise you were given the moment you decided you wanted that fairytale to begin with.

3.) Thou shall never date another woman’s man

Ever heard of karma? Justin Timberlake and Buddha warn of the horrible effects that could happen if you make poor decisions that negatively impact others.

Plus, if a man is willing to date you when he is with someone else- more than likely he’ll do the same to you if you end up dating him. A confident woman who is satisfied with her life would never crave someone else’s leftovers. Have respect for yourself and for fellow women.

4.) Thou shall never have sex on the first date.

Simply stated- it’s just not classy. Your sex life is ultimately up to you, but half the chase is over for men once they score action under the sheets.

Regardless of what you say to a man- such as- “I usually don’t do this,” men are more physical and visual than women and they will believe what they see and feel, not what they or we say and hear.

Keep him lingering for a second date or at least a second…perhaps, first kiss.

5.) Thou shall never give up on your personal goals to support his.

Rock star Tori Amos once said, “The way I see it, the men I’m with whomever they are, it’s like, look, you have to accept that I like ice cream, and I know it shows up on my hips, but if you can’t accept that, then leave. Go away, toodles. It’s non-negotiable.”

While problems in relationships typically don’t originate from debates about ice cream, Amos has a valid point. A man should love you for you, just as you should love him for him.

If he really, truly cared about you in the way you want and deserve, he would never ask you to stop doing something you loved- whether it’s eating ice cream- or going to law school; even if it left him waiting in the sidelines.

Relationships are about compromise and working together to make two people correlate their different lives together- but they are not about changing the other person. Find someone who loves the YOU that you love.

6.)Thou shall never over analyze every little thing.

On average, women say twice as many or more words than men. While not surprising, it’s not always a positive quality. With our brains moving at mile a minute, it’s no surprise that we tend to over analyze more than our male counter parts, too.

When men do things or make small decisions, they are less likely to think about their actions after the fact, and they certainly aren’t obsessing over whether their jeans make their butts look big. There is something to be said for making a decision and then moving forward from there. They just do it.

They may not realize that their harmless aversion to doing dishes or calling you exactly when they say they will may negatively affect you or makes you feel like your concerns aren’t important. They’re not mind readers, after all. Stop looking into every single detail and enjoy how you feel instead of indulging in what you think they’re trying to tell you. Get lost in emotion and action before you drown yourself, and possibly your relationship in thought. Stop worrying about the impact, and enjoy the fall.

7.) Thou shall never think “he’s too good for me”

If relationships were based on a ten point scale, you should always place yourself at ten and consider any guy who begs your attention at one until he proves himself worthy.

If you don’t allow yourself to be open to a guy simply because you think he’s not at your level or he would never fall for you- you’re making a huge mistake and missing out on lots of opportunities.

Ladies don’t limit themselves.

8.) Thou shall never date someone just because you are lonely.

While I’m sure hugging pillow night after night and snuggling up to a ten-year teddy bear seems less than satisfying- dating someone who you don’t really care for will never quench your desire.

It’s easy to go back an ex or settle for a little less than what you’re looking for. But if you continuously just date someone to prevent having a “relationship void” in your life, you’ll never find the perfect person you’re searching for.

9.) Thou shall never wallow in regret over any relationship.

There are some memories you’ll never want to live again and even more you wish you could relive every minute of every day.

Each relationship, each person is brought into our lives for a special and unique reason. The purpose of any experience is to teach us something we can use in our future. Regretting leaves no room for progress.

With tear drops, wadded tissues, or with bittersweet good-byes, take each relationship in stride, remember what you’ve had –and look forward to the bright beginnings sure to come.

10.) Thou shall not only follow these rules, but make your own.

Never simply follow a list of rules (much like these) given to you by someone else. Everyone creates a life of their own and must shape that life through individual experiences, achievements and shortcomings. Make your relationships your own, as well as the rules you live by.

Just never settle.

http://chickspeak.com/blog/2008/02/25/rules-to-date-by-decoding-relationship-fumbles/