He Needs Space...How Much Do You Give Him?

Between yesterday and tomorrow, between where we want to be and where we are, between the spot where he used to lay and where you lay, and between the melt-your-heart moments and the bitterness that only seems to get thicker.

In life, there is always space.

While sometimes a little leeway creates opportunity for growth, when the one you want to be closer to more than any single being on the planet utters the words “I need some space,” all you want to do is get a little closer and cling to the bond you desperately want to have.

Relationships are difficult to navigate and they never seem to stay on the same path, but rather twist and turn -often going down gravel and dead end roads. While we can’t always hold onto the steering wheel and predict the bumps ahead, as confident and savvy women, we can learn to brace ourselves and always keep our seat-belts on -just in case it all comes crashing down.

When your guy asks for space, he may be doing it for a variety of reasons -and not all of the signs point straight to the end of a relationship. Sometimes, he means exactly what he says: he just needs some wiggle room to figure out life on his own or maybe you need to move your elbows and figure out what you need too.

So before jumping to conclusions and pushing him farther away than he wants to go, try taking a step back and asking yourself a few questions about your relationship:

Are either of you getting ready to make a huge change in your life?

When you have been with someone for month upon month or year upon year, there comes a breaking point -where you may think you want some distance…but maybe not because you’re tired of the person. Maybe for no other reason than you need to figure out how you can fit into each other’s future plans.

If you’re getting ready to hike to new heights and he’s swinging around revolving doors in buildings -he may be wondering where you’re going to fit into his life and vice versa. If he’s having trouble fitting your puzzle pieces together, it’s still a sign he wants to make it work.

Guys are encouraged to be individuals more often than women and while it’s sexist, they typically find better solutions when they are alone, while women usually seek out the advice of their best friend, their first cousin and their freshman year roommate before making a decision.

If tides are rolling, give him time to surf and make it to shore -just make sure he knows you’re riding the waves too and you’ll be a happy beach babe with or without his rescue.

Space Grace Period: A month

Have you been spending a ridiculous amount of time together?

His gym bag, socks, old smelly sneakers, electric razor and his toothbrush are draped around your apartment. You find his t-shirts and boxers mixed in with your whites and you are checking your wallet to see where the check for half of your rent is from him.

Sometimes being in love and thus spending lots of time together in couple-land can be a bit too much, even if you are the best of friends and enjoy one another’s company. If you’ve been spending a lot of time wrapped up in sheets and sharing ice cream on the couch and suddenly he says he needs some space…take him literally.

It’s normal to have a hard time putting our single self on the shelf as ladies, and the guys have the same problem. Sometimes they need time to be themselves and act however they want to, without their girlfriend (or anyone, really) hanging around them.

Give him some inches to grow and within a week, he’ll probably be missing your smile each morning and you’ll be back to being the couple all single people love to hate.

Space Grace Period: One to two weeks

Are your friends or his friends getting hitched or engaged?

There’s this insane trend that I’ve noticed on Facebook lately. Once someone gets engaged, within a week someone else gets engaged -and before I know it, I’ve written “congratulations” at least a dozen times…and ate about three half-gallons of ice cream in the process.

While women may feel a tad bit jealous when albums of our friends (or at least they were our friends once upon a time in the third grade, or something like that) looking happy and beautiful at their wedding, guys tend to have a different reaction.

They get a little freaked out.

Suddenly, all their buddies are saying “I do,” and instead of being an “I” their friends are a “we” and they can’t hang out as often as they used to. They may even see their mentors having children and something inside of them screams for it all to stop.

If your fella decides he needs some space, he may be realizing he’s either ready to get married and can’t believe it, or frankly, isn’t ready to be that committed…yet anyways. Give him room to clear his head and figure out what’s in the upcoming cards for him.

However, this time shouldn’t be spent with him dating other ladies or spreading his wings into other bedrooms, but spent thinking about what he wants. If he wants to break up instead of just giving one another some elbow room, he was never meant to be the one smiling next to you in wedding photos as you cut the cake -but rather the one you should cut out of your life indefinitely.

And remember, if he comes back saying he is the marriage type, just not right now -believe him and decide if you can wait a few more years before signing away forever and your maiden name on the dotted line.

Space Grace Period: One to two months

Did your relationship just take a huge step?

Regardless if it’s the slip of three very magical words, the first real fight or a tragedy you went through together -some events in life bring a couple closer…or farther apart.

If you relationship suddenly got serious or the two of you grew incredibly close seemingly overnight -your guy may be a bit worried. Once a guy opens up and lets a gal inside his heart, he tends to want to keep her safe and protected and if you were recently awarded the chance to walk through the pearly gates -he may be a little scared.

He also may be wondering if he’s ready for a serious relationship or if he can count on you to be there for him through anything that life may dish to him. Let him calm down and take time to think it out -usually if he’s taken one big step with you, he’ll want to take the next one.

Space Grace Period: About a week

Lindsay Tigar is the Editor-at-Large for ChickSpeak and freelances for other sites. She loves her puppy Suzie, high heels in all shapes and sizes, and would vintage shop every single day if she could.

http://chickspeak.com/blog/2009/05/25/he-needs-spacehow-much-do-you-give-him/